This summer, I dedicated my reading life to my literary self. A tweet by Jess Lifshitz via Val Brown got a professional text into my book stack, and last week I started reading The Essential Conversation, What Parents and Teachers Can Learn From Each Other. It has not disappointed.
Each chapter brings up emotional and substantive issues that surround the parent/teacher and home/school relationships. It brings to light things I know, but need to reflect on to develop.
The first chapter, “Ghosts in the Classroom,” shares teacher experiences as students. Generational, cultural, and personal histories all play a role, coloring their current work and approach. In some cases, teachers have made intentional moves because of their experiences; in others, only upon reflection did they realize how personal experiences affected their teaching. We all bring a backstory and expectations to the relationship. Noticing our history helps us understand our reactions and relationships.
To do this work, I had to dig deep. Past recent memories and my own children’s conferences to get to my childhood memories. What stood out were confrontations my mother had with teachers.
I lived in a community of educated parents with professional jobs who had high expectations for their children. If a student did not attain expectation with the instruction given, then a poor grade was the result. This was the case in my middle school French class.
A note from my teacher instigated the conference. I was not allowed at the conference, but I remember how upset my mom was afterward. She described my teacher as wicked and prejudiced. I didn’t care what the teacher wanted. I cared about what my parents thought. I felt protected yet at the same time, scared of the teacher. I got through that semester learning very little French.
This is my history, and it has colored my interactions as a parent and a teacher.
I chose an elementary school for my children that encouraged parent involvement. I knew my kids’ teachers and they knew me. I saw everyday events. If something negative happened, it had context. Lines of communication were open, and eventually, trust was developed. I didn’t have to be there to know things were being handled fairly.
Reflecting on my experiences as a student and a parent, I have three big ideas.
Parents trust you with their child.
As a parent, being allowed to observe the classroom alleviated the anxiety of dropping my child off. As they grew, I worried if they fit academically and socially.
Thinking back, rather than wait for a dreaded call or a formal teacher conference, I would have appreciated earlier feedback.
In my classroom, I want parents to ask questions early in our relationship. Offering opportunities to contact me by text, email, phone call, or a questionnaire (inspired by Pernille Ripp) has helped me understand students and mitigate potential problems early in the year.
The child should have a voice in teacher/parent interactions.
In most cases having the student as a full participant seems only fair. In our twice-yearly formal conferences, students lead the discussion. When my fourth graders learn this, they go into temporary shock. It’s a new concept, but I tell them they are experts on themselves. Why shouldn’t they lead the conference? The process is revealing. A student’s description of their work is an assessment in itself; setting new goals are often outcomes of these meetings.
Look through the lens of the parent.
By continually asking, how would I feel if this were my child, helps in all aspects of teaching. When I think about how I talk with parents, it helps me focus on the whole child and their progress over time.
I’m reading on. Posting my reflections in this space.