Essential Conversations #1

UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_1bc2This summer, I dedicated my reading life to my literary self. A tweet by Jess Lifshitz via Val Brown got a professional text into my book stack, and last week I started reading The Essential Conversation, What Parents and Teachers Can Learn From Each Other.  It has not disappointed.

Each chapter brings up emotional and substantive issues that surround the parent/teacher and home/school relationships.  It brings to light things I know, but need to reflect on to develop.

The first chapter, “Ghosts in the Classroom,” shares teacher experiences as students. Generational, cultural, and personal histories all play a role, coloring their current work and approach. In some cases, teachers have made intentional moves because of their experiences; in others, only upon reflection did they realize how personal experiences affected their teaching.  We all bring a backstory and expectations to the relationship. Noticing our history helps us understand our reactions and relationships.

To do this work, I had to dig deep. Past recent memories and my own children’s conferences to get to my childhood memories. What stood out were confrontations my mother had with teachers.

I lived in a community of educated parents with professional jobs who had high expectations for their children. If a student did not attain expectation with the instruction given, then a poor grade was the result. This was the case in my middle school French class. 

A note from my teacher instigated the conference. I was not allowed at the conference, but I remember how upset my mom was afterward. She described my teacher as wicked and prejudiced. I didn’t care what the teacher wanted. I cared about what my parents thought. I felt protected yet at the same time, scared of the teacher.  I got through that semester learning very little French.

This is my history, and it has colored my interactions as a parent and a teacher.

I chose an elementary school for my children that encouraged parent involvement. I knew my kids’ teachers and they knew me.  I saw everyday events. If something negative happened, it had context.  Lines of communication were open, and eventually, trust was developed. I didn’t have to be there to know things were being handled fairly.

Reflecting on my experiences as a student and a parent, I have three big ideas.
Parents trust you with their child.
As a parent, being allowed to observe the classroom alleviated the anxiety of dropping my child off. As they grew, I worried if they fit academically and socially.
Thinking back, rather than wait for a dreaded call or a formal teacher conference, I would have appreciated earlier feedback.

In my classroom, I want parents to ask questions early in our relationship. Offering opportunities to contact me by text, email, phone call, or a questionnaire (inspired by Pernille Ripp) has helped me understand students and mitigate potential problems early in the year.

The child should have a voice in teacher/parent interactions.
In most cases having the student as a full participant seems only fair. In our twice-yearly formal conferences, students lead the discussion. When my fourth graders learn this, they go into temporary shock.  It’s a new concept, but I tell them they are experts on themselves. Why shouldn’t they lead the conference? The process is revealing.  A student’s description of their work is an assessment in itself; setting new goals are often outcomes of these meetings.

Look through the lens of the parent.
By continually asking, how would I feel if this were my child, helps in all aspects of teaching. When I think about how I talk with parents, it helps me focus on the whole child and their progress over time.

I’m reading on. Posting my reflections in this space.

 

6 thoughts on “Essential Conversations #1

  1. I’ve struggled as a teacher mom. I try to be hands off but want to feel connected. This has me thinking. I agree with a lot of your insights and ideas. Thanks for sharing. I look forward to reading more!

  2. Thank you for this post and for the link to the questionnaire. I struggle with that — it would yield such rich information, but many of our parents aren’t fluent in English. I don’t want to unintentionally create yet another language hurdle for them…

    Those three big ideas are SO important!!

    • Language is a challenge! Is it possible for your students to work with their parents on
      this? There have been years I’ve limited the number of questions to reduce the stress for parents with limited English language.

  3. Cultivating relationships with parents has always been important to me. I feel it enriches the experience for my students to know that I know and care about their parents. It’s been harder to do in the public school setting when I am not the classroom teacher. Thanks for your reflections about this book.

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